“I don’t stop eating when I’m full. The meal isn’t over when I’m full. It’s over when I hate myself” – Louis C.K.
A Stateside Thanksgiving
Ah, Thanksgiving. A rather illustrious holiday landmarked by eating food at a rate that rivals breathing air. I also enjoy yelling “go sports” at the T.V. until my relatives vote me out of the house.
This Thanksgiving (thankfully) I managed to join my immediate family and extended family in North Carolina. I’m visiting Raleigh with the power of road trips, putting my poor car through the paces once more.
My hours were spent critiquing a cousin’s wardrobe and throwing around a football with all the accuracy and strength of a calcium-deficient squirrel. Evenings were spent burning through romantic-comedy laptop movies (such as Kick Ass 1 and 2).
Onward to the Midwest
In any event, my holiday-weight is here to stay until 2017, and my list of things I’m thankful for can be summed up by the phrase “food and folks and irony.” My youngest cousin desperately tried to ensure my lack of cardiac arrest by sagely stating “Moderation in all things” as I ate.
And this is true, ladies and gentlemen. Except in food. There’s a reason I quoted Louis C.K. at the beginning of this post and not Hesiod.
Anyway, Happy Holidays and such. I leave to travel the US Midwest this upcoming weekend in a futile attempt to cultivate what little sanity I’ve purchased on Ebay.
Best regards and excellent trails,
Old Sean
For advice when visiting Raleigh, North Carolina, click here.
P.S. Please enjoy a few pieces of Thanksgiving Life-Wisdom from the family.
Always breathe between bites and don’t talk with a full mouth.
If it looks like a duck, quacks like a duck, the government’s spy-birds are getting really good.
Buy a toilet plunger before you need a toilet plunger.
Most of your life will be in your bed or your shoes. Invest well in both.
For a first date, always pick a restaurant where you can look somewhat elegant eating. Nobody makes a good first impression with a sloppy joe.
If computers have taught us anything, it’s that “anything not saved will be lost.”
Never take your advice from lucky people.
Don’t decide in rage, don’t promise in joy.
Be nice to the waiters. They have your food before you. Be nice to nurses. They have needles and get to choose how to use them. Be nice to people. You’ll have to deal with them for an entire lifetime.
Written November 29th, 2016
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