Traveling as a Couple: Relationships Abroad
The Experience of Traveling As a Couple
Traveling as a couple to see the world is one of the most fortifying experiences people can enjoy. When aligned, the person who means the most to you is creating shared memories that will last a lifetime.
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Advantages of Traveling with Your Partner
There are a great number of advantages when traveling together. Some are emotional. Some are practical. All are profound to the experience.
A Level of Romance
People romanticize travel for a good reason. Seeing beautiful things, forging new experiences and developing a deeper connection all happen during journeys. There are crystalline moments during a journey which are perfect for fostering romance.
Learning about your Partner
Traveling can reveal new information about ourselves, our habits and who we are. When traveling as a couple, you’ll see your partner living in a new setting and engaging with new experiences. How they deal with the world is compelling information.
Furthermore, traveling allows for a lot of downtime in various locations. Airport terminals, campfires, starlit nights and other quiet places in the world are plentiful. This opens up the door to deeper conversations about life, dreams and aspirations.
There’s an old saying: “You learn everything about a good friend in three years. You learn everything about a good roommate in a year. You learn everything about a fellow traveler in a month.”
Making Memories
One of the wonderful things about traveling as a couple involves the memories you make. Knowing that you crossed a desert together, climbed mountains alongside one another or dined in a magical city together is a great thing to share.
Traveling memories are profound. Shared experiences are even better.
Safety
Frankly, traveling with someone is much safer. This means somebody is watching your back when you’re tired and taking care of you in the event of an illness. Traveling with someone reliable, whom you trust, helps protect you anywhere in the world.
Lodging is Cheaper
While solo traveling means you can sleep in odd places without consulting someone, sharing the cost of a single room while traveling is a huge money-saver. While traveling as a couple, you can share transportation, hotels, vehicles and more.
Mitigate Loneliness
When traveling with someone you care for, loneliness becomes a much lesser factor. There’s always someone nearby to share in joy, sadness and awe. It’s also much easier to reach out to people as a couple while traveling.
Challenges of Traveling as a Couple
Though traveling as a couple is amazing, there are some challenges involved.
First and foremost, you’re going to begin spending practically all of your downtime with a person. There won’t be much of a chance to spend a couple of days on your own. You’ll learn every habit your partner has within the first couple of weeks.
Secondly, traveling means you get to see people at their high points. But this also means you must experience the inevitable low points together, when traveling has made someone exhausted or stressed. Traveling brings out the highs and lows of life much more frequently than other lifestyles.
Thirdly, budgeting between two people can be challenging. An aspect of travel is financial. Learning how to balance a budget between two people’s desires while constantly exploring new places is tricky to learn. People on vacation usually drastically exceed their budget. Avoiding the same pitfall as a traveling couple takes practice.
How to Practice Traveling as a Couple
There are many tricks to learning how to travel as a couple. Most of them are related to communication and understanding.
Learn to Say what you Want, Directly as Possible
When traveling, acknowledging desires is fundamental in restoring energy and judging your own wellbeing. Spelling out exactly what you want for an experience can make everything go more smoothly for you and your partner.
Be deliberate. Don’t say “I don’t want to go to the beach,” or “You go to the museum, I don’t want to.” Instead, make sure your desires are positive and allow for your partner to accommodate you. Say, “I want to get some rest today” or “I want to eat at the fruit stand for breakfast.” By saying what you want, you can incorporate one another’s desires into flexible daily plans.
Express What You Need
Expressing what you need is also important, as it provides more urgency. It also helps prevent burnout and allows couples traveling to regulate their pace.
Saying “I need a day to rest” or “I need to finish some work tonight” lets your partner know that this is a priority and it’s okay for both of you to go off to complete your own tasks.
Practice Articulating Feelings
Traveling as a couple requires an emotional balancing act. Feelings and moods can change a lot, depending on the surrounding stimuli.
State your emotions when you can, especially during long stretches of silence. (You’re going to have some silence while traveling once you’re on the road long enough). Simply saying “This drive is so relaxing,” or “Oh, man, I’m wiped out tonight,” provides your partner with understanding. This can prevent frustration where others think your silence is the result of stress or unspoken anger.
Handling Constant Decision Making
When traveling, know that your schedule is going to break down eventually. Plans are going to face changes, which need you and your partner to be aware of.
Explain to your partner your strategy and let them make changes and improvements as needed. Some couples have one person who handles most of the planning. In these cases, it’s still important to keep your partner appraised so they feel included and can catch potential oversights you might have missed.
Develop Two Kinds of Space
When traveling with anyone, travelers eventually need to develop some form of space to reset and refresh their minds.
The first kind of space is enclosed space. This is when you’re allowed to be quiet or introspective despite being in the same area. Enclosed Space might be during long road trips or while sharing a hotel room.
In these cases, ask for time to concentrate or reset verbally. When your partner asks for enclosed space, you might want to talk. But unless it’s information you need immediately, hold off. Respecting enclosed space gives people autonomy and rest, even in crowded areas.
The other kind of space travelers sometimes need is physical space. This means letting your partner go off and do their own thing once in a while. If you’re not interested in poetry, perhaps your partner can visit the Scottish Poetry Library in Edinburgh alone.
Generally, if the activity is something you’ll both enjoy or your partner wants to share the experience, then go together. If an activity only aligns with one person’s interest, this is when some physical space is nice.
Practice Clarity
When speaking, don’t hedge. Practice as much clarity as possible. Traveling is a complex, constantly-shifting experience. Half-heard statements tend to make the journey very difficult.
Sit down, make eye contact and speak directly without other activities. Listen actively and build upon what your partner says.
When your conversations are about next steps and plans, make sure you both understand the timetable, plan for getting around and goals concisely.
Compromise Activities
Sometimes, compromise is necessary. There are going to be things you don’t want to do that your partner is very much interested in sharing with you. In these cases, ration your energy and make an effort. Traveling provides an infinite number of experiences, so learning to compromise for certain events smooths things out a lot.
Note Triggers and State them Clearly
If there’s something that bothers you, make sure your partner knows about it. This can be a conversation topic, a habit or something you come across while traveling.
For example, I get depressed when I see mistreated dogs. I love dogs in every country on Earth, and seeing them struggle makes me moody and reclusive. All my travel partners know not to take it personally when I’m like this.
Where you can avoid actions that bother your partner, practice doing that. Ask for understanding while you reform your own habits. Where triggers are environmental, request and provide patience and understanding.
Separate Out a Date Night
Just because you’re spending all your time together doesn’t mean romance should be neglected. In fact, special times should be set aside just to focus on your partner.
Make sure to continue date night, even if every new experience already feels like a romantic one.
Stay Organized
When traveling, it’s easy to lose tools and gear you’ve brought on the road. Staying organized can improve this experience drastically.
Make sure to pack your own luggage. Don’t swap things between one another, because this makes it very hard to keep track of supplies. Even if both of you using an item, the same person should pack it every time.
For example, if a couple shares a reading tablet, Person A) should be the one to pack it up, every time.
This prevents loss and confusion. It also lets a person pack their gear without shifting anything around too frequently.
Don’t Interpret Silences and Throwaway Comments
Traveling takes up a fair amount of mental energy. Organizing trips, visiting new places, working in different languages and physically moving takes up a lot of brain-and-willpower.
Therefore, most sentences and conversations on the road are very face-value. What a person says is what they mean. Don’t imagine or add extra meaning to things. Take your partner’s words at face value.
Let Go of the Conversation
Talking and having interesting conversations is one of the great aspects of traveling. New experiences provide endless fuel for endless topics.
But sometimes, energy simply runs out. Even if you really wish to continue a topic, pay attention to the energy of your partner. If they’re responses are getting shorter, the conversation is draining them. Let go of the topic for now.
Practice Clear, Deliberate Apologies.
You’re going to mess up. At some point during your journey, you’ll say something rude, do something dumb or not think things all the way through. That’s alright, to err is human. But when it happens, your apologies need to be extraordinarily clear. A festering resentment while traveling with someone always explodes eventually.
In case your granddaddy didn’t coach you, apologizing properly involves a few steps.
- First, acknowledge what you did, take responsibility and apologize. Don’t try to justify it.
- Second, note your partner’s emotions and your own. Saying you regret something makes an apology sincere rather than a reflex.
- Thirdly, and most importantly, make sure they know it won’t happen again. Or, if the offense was an accident, you’ll make real efforts so that it’ll never happen again.
- Fourthly, do your best to make amends. Prove you’re willing to put in the effort you’ll make it right, through actions rather than words. The fourth step might take some time, but it cements the apology and makes it real, rather than just emotional.
Schedule Downtime, Alone Time and Time with Others
When traveling, setting aside downtime is important. But it’s also a good idea to plan for some alone time. Let your partner pursue their personal hobbies and goals. Give them time to sleep in on a morning when you want to see the sun rise.
On the same note, try setting aside time to meet other people. Constantly being involved with your partner and nobody else can put undue stress on a relationship. Stay in touch with people from home, meet other travelers and spend time with locals.
Budgeting While Traveling as a Couple
Traveling is going to involve budgeting. Part of traveling involves being careful of vacation mentality, where money is simply thrown to the wind in a fit of excitement and celebration.
When traveling as a couple, you should have three very clear budgets. The first budget is a shared budget. This handles activities, meals, lodging and other travel-expenses. Every purchase from the expense budget requires agreement between you and your partner.
The other two budgets are independent, personal budgets. Each member of a relationship should have money set aside they use specifically for themselves. This way, each person can make purchases for themselves without needing to consult their partner.
Divide Up Chores
When living at home, dividing up responsibilities is a key part of any relationship. This doesn’t change when traveling. Make sure everything gets done by dividing up chores, including trip planning, laundry, cooking, organization, paperwork and other tasks.
Don’t be the Whiner
Nothing ruins a journey more quickly than dragging along a partner who’s constantly complaining. Humans are social and reflective creatures. If your partner thinks you’re having a bad time, it’ll drag down their mood as well.
Yes, the desert is hot, the tundra is cold, backpacks are heavy and the hotel’s sink drips water. So what? Adventure means stepping and staying outside of a comfort zone. Bring extra water, throw on a jacket, repack your bag or tie floss around a dripping water faucet.
Even if you’re having a challenging or difficult time, do so in semi-silence. If your partner can do something to immediately and drastically improve the situation, express your discomfort. If not, let your partner continue to enjoy themselves and eke out as much joy from the experience as you can.
Look after One Another
Finally, it’s important to look after one another. Your partner’s wellbeing is your highest priority on your journey. Make sure they’re getting enough rest and happy with the direction the trip is going.
When necessary, step up and show you care through actions. Do something nice for them, even if you’re feeling tired.
When traveling as a couple, your partner is the person who’s keeping you safe, healthy and happy everywhere on Earth. Take that knowledge and certainty and build upon it.
Best regards and excellent trails.
Old Sean