Visiting Bogotá: Barbarian of the North

“All the best manners seem to involve a quality of silence I’ve proven poor at cultivating.” – Old Sean

An Inquiry of Customs

While traveling, I possess a long-standing, low-key anxiety regarding the flouting social customs and coming across as an unclothe savage.  Usually, I can avoid this, by keeping my mouth shut.  But sometimes, there’s a few quirks of a country that you have to learn by publicly embarrassing yourself.

Chopsticks standing up in China is reminiscent of incense and implies death. It’s enormously disrespectful in a restaurant.

There’s an island in Greece where clapping twice is the correct manner to summon a waiter, no matter how personally uncomfortable it is might be.

And my most recent discovery; Colombians close doors in an almost loving, gentle manner.  Allowing a door to swing shut is the pinnacle of rudeness.  Closing a door with any excessive force implies rather prominent rage.  I had to successfully create a concerned taxi driver before I got the memo.

A Return to Bogotá

Aside from mildly embarrassment for myself, I still managed to have a great time while visiting Bogotá for a second time. 

I’ve not been idle, and my Spanish has advanced to the point where I can actually host an extremely limited D&D module with minimal confusion.

For me, that was a sizeable chunk of learning the language in the first place.

Sadly, Bogotá is still advertised as extremely dangerous. I generally only left the apartment with a local guide, as everyone I’m currently hosting with is extremely apprehensive about allowing me to wander around the unfamiliar city alone.  Virtually nobody goes out after dark.

That being said, I did manage to convince a few people to babysit me as I toddled about.

Sights Around Bogotá

The first place I wanted to see while visiting Bogotá was the Gold Museum (Museo Oro).  This is an incredibly cool place, filled with more gold ornaments than I initially thought possible.  The final room is an enclosed round-room in pitch darkness, lit by a dull risings of creepy lights while decidedly tribal voices chant in a low thrum in the background.

It creates an intense tingling feeling, a sensation of slight haunting.

The following day, after sprinting through Bogotá to ensure my friend Dani made it all the way to China (she’s not a prompt packer), I sought out Bogotá’s older district.

Hence, I joined my guide Eli through La Candelaria, Bogotá’s excellent traditional neighborhood.  There are low-roofed building in walkable alleys with numerous shop-goods being advertised in every direction (including some sort of fermented, flavored corn-juice that Google translates as ethanol).  The roads are unevenly cobbled and the odd gem of architecture pops up every few blocks.  For example, the Santuario Nuestra Senora del Carmen is a candy-cane-painted church that hosts a stunning interior and bizarre exterior.

In terms of food, La Puerta Falsa (The False Door) built into an old storage room is a fantastic traditional masterpiece.  While the Tamales are great and the downstairs chocolate is worth munching on, the prize is called “Chocolate Santafereno.”  This is a hot chocolate beverage with white cheese that’s torn up and placed at the bottom.

Colombians mix and match a lot of cheese and chocolate delicacies.  I’m thankful I have a taste for it.

Monument Tours

Nearby, I got to visit the historic Plaza de Bolivar de Bogota, which rests in the middle of numerous roped off buildings, including the Capitolio Nacional and City Hall.  There were enough pigeons to make me nervous.  Because pigeons.

Their lack of fear towards humans mocks me.

In other news, I got to pass in front of the Presidential House along with the Templo de San Agustin.  This particular trip, the temple was showcasing photography exhibits of the multi-party guerrilla war that’s plagued the country and dictates modern politics.  It was a desolate visit, but very enlightening.  We were caught in a ferocious rainstorm on our way home, our mango-flavored Popsicles doing nothing to defend us.

Lucky, I travel with a waterproof cell phone baggie virtually everywhere.

The following day, I visited the Central Cemetery of Bogota to help place flowers and otherwise enjoy a rather odd aspect of the city.  For my final day in town, I cajoled my guide Eli to lead me up the nearby mountain to the daunting temple on top, the Monserrate City Overlook.

Scaling Monserrate

Now, I feel like I should put a disclaimer in here.  I’m a bit on the chubby side these days.  Half a year of eating and driving in the states has not given me the rock hard abs I was promised.  But I wasn’t too worried about climbing to Monserrate.  I have legs.  They work.

But they didn’t work.  I’m a lowland child and as a result, Colombia’s air has always been on the thin side for me.  About halfway up the mountain, I stopped feeling normal fatigue and my heart rate skyrocketed every time I tried to take 30 steps or so.  I haven’t been in the mountains, not truly, since living in Colorado some 5 years ago.

So this was a slow, arduous climb.  Fortunately for me, the climb is basically a train of tourist traps, providing knick-knacks, snacks, fruit, grilled meat and, most importantly, water bottles sold at a premium.  Eli was kind enough not to snicker at my physical inabilities.  Too loudly.

When we finally reached the top, I was rewarded with a coca tea and a stunning, if slightly cloudy, panorama.  We dawdled around the summit, checking out the impressive features, the tourist town and skyscrapers below us. 

We spent time attempting to toss a coin into a local wishing well. Visitors must toss it through a hoop above, like a basketball net before dropping your wish in.  I made four successful wishes, thanks to my 3^rd grade basketball skills.

I possess intense laziness, so I opted to take the train down, though the entry line likely slowed us to the point where we didn’t actually save any time.  That being said, it’s a fun little joyride and we celebrated our hike with some out-of-place Korean food I was curious about.

Which leads us to now.

I’m currently typing this up while preparing to visit Medellin.  It’s a city my friend Rubov has wanted to attend but time wasn’t in his favor.

So I guess I’ll scout it out for him before he visits next time.

Wish me luck.  This will be my first trip in Colombia without the guidance of my host family.

Until then,

Best regards and excellent trails,

Old Sean

Written May 19th 2019

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