“After spending so much of my life in Texas, I have a strong appreciation for cattle. Especially the comically wide horns of longhorn cows. But Scotland has it’s own contender: The floppy hairdos of Highland Cattle.” – Old Sean
Arriving in Glasgow
In all my visits of Glasgow, the city has never failed to be something of a party. Indeed, Glasgow serves as Scotland’s de facto festival zone. On many occassions, I spotted revelers in the streets and on public transportation dressed in bright colors, body paint of glittering bikinis. But my sort of travel-party involves a lot more hiking, exploring and teasing out the nuances of a country. After leaving Belfast, riding a ferry to Scotland and resting on a bus for several more hours, I booked my family a room in East Kilbride, south of Glasgow itself.
Our first night was spent having a row with our landlady, who wanted a prompt payment of a surplus 50 pounds since we had a third guest for a two person bedroom. I tend to steer clear of people like this, since they’re a rabid sort of price gouger. However, the woman’s husband was so lovely and polite, I felt our stay was somewhat balanced. There was a shopping center and coffee house nearby and the morning buses were extremely accessible.
Visiting Deadcity
The following morning, I rallied my brother and sister to quickly visit my favorite point in Glasgow, the immense, hillside graveyard known as The Glasgow Necropolis. I’ve always been a rather large fan of the Necropolis and it’s expansive views of the nearby Glasgow Cathedral. I wouldn’t call Glasgow an exquisitely beautiful city, but under morning mists and tepid sunlight atop this quiet hill, there is sublimity.
After taking a short walk through the graveyard, my tiny group went down to the Cathedral itself, which opened a few minutes after we marched by. The Glasgow Cathedral is blessedly free entry, which worked well for me. This was the point of the trip where I staunchly began refusing to pay for entry to castles and churches.
Traveler Jokes
There’s an old traveler joke I’ve heard across a few countries, but I always enjoy it.
Once there was a man exploring the world, hoping to see every corner. He first went to Asia, visiting all the quiet and distant places there.
“My God,” he finally thought, terribly irate. “There are Buddhas everywhere. Seated Buddhas, giant Buddhas, sleeping Buddhas, Buddha paintings and gilded Buddhas. I don’t want to see another Buddha statue for at least a decade!
So the man wandered off, heading to the Middle East. There, he trekked through the land, visiting the ancient cities.
After some time, the man thought in annoyance. “My God, I’ve seen enough of these mosque. There are mosques everywhere! Ancient mosques, new mosques, stone mosques, urban mosques, patterened mosques, and carved mosques. I need a break from all the mosques!”
So the man left the Middle East and went to Europe. But after jumping for country to country for some time, he grew grumpy again.
“Good God,” the man said. “I’m so sick of all these churches. Steepled churches, stone churches, wooden churches, ancient churches, restored churches, underground churches and country churches. I can’t stand the idea of visiting a church again!
So the man went to the United States and began exploring that vast land. At this point, a friend of his called to check up on the man’s travels.
“Let me tell you something!” The traveling man shouted angrily into his phone. “If I see one more McDonalds…”
Point being I’ve reached my upper limit for visiting European castle ruins and churches. The Cathedral in Glasgow was convenient and pretty, but most importantly, free. I breezed thorugh the underground halls, vaulted ceilings, ached carvings and metal memorials.
My brother and I left the church somewhat swiftly, allowing my sister to linger. My brother pointed out the Cathedral gift shop, which was it’s own form of mild hilarity. There’s something about a sanctified building peddling tourist trinkets for profit that amuses me and mildly annoys my brother.
Glasgow History Hike
MY family and I continued walking deeper into the city, enjoying the next series of murals painted on various walls. The best was a mushroom picking mural with wildlife creatures, found at the map marker called Fellow Glasgow Resident’s Mural.
We continued to walk, also passing George Square. Previously a market square, the open space now houses various sculptures, pillars and memorials regarding Scottish history. We eventually delved further into the city, this time hunting out a bank to withdrawal money.
Financial Hiccups
Now, the international bank account I’m currently using is partnered with Barclay, a banking service found in the UK. Barclays is currently facing a rather potent swell of discontent. The bank apparently invests heavily in fossil fuels, so eco-protesters attempted to boycott the bank heavily. At some point, climate activists stepped up the heat by smashing out several windows, causing the bank exterior to be boarded up.
The Barclays location we visited to withdraw money was still operational inside, but chalk graffiti was found on many disposable surfaces nearby. Trash cans, plywood and buildings all had pink letters talking about the evils of Barclay and their killing of earth.
Granted, I bank with a huge international financial conglomerate, which I’m fully aware is an actively evil entity. So this kind of targeted protest is just something to be stepped around. Not because I’m morally bankrupt (which I am) but more because I’m on vacation and tearing down the corporate overlords of the world seems like something I’d like to be paid to do.
Humor Sights
My siblings and I next got breakfast at the humorously named sandwich-and-burger-chain, Bread Meats Bread. There are some unique menu options, including a doughnut hamburger, which my brother seemed to enjoy immensely.
We continued to walk around the downtown area, window shopping along Buchanan Street. The pedestrian avenue was filled with people playing music for change and wildly overpriced shops. We kept looping through the area until we found Duke Wellington astride his horse.
The Duke Wellington Equestrian Statue is a cultural landmark, because Glasgow citizens have steadfastly propped a traffic cone on the Duke’s head for years. The last time I was in Glasgow, the Duke’s head was nearly lost under a half dozen traffic cones. Even his horse was supporting one bright orange hat.
However, during COVID, the Glasgow government successfully cleared all traffic cones, returning the Duke to his regal, intended appearance.
Bless Glasgow as a community, because this didn’t last at all. Duke Wellington is currently sporting a new traffic cone, this one purple with a dragon etching.
Kelvingrove
Soul fortified, I brought my siblings on an extremely long walk to the west, finally reaching the Kelvingrove Park Area.
Glasgow has three sort-of-compact areas where tourist features abound. The city center is probably the most popular and touristy. The Glasgow University district features more walking trails, quaint shops and intellectual entertainments. The southside, past the river, is more residential and gives off a more “authentic” Glasgow vibe.
Regardless, I wandered with my brother and sister to Kelvingrove Museum first. The Museum is one of my favorite on earth, with huge central hallways, good organization, excellent exhibits and nice spacing. Unlike some other museums, I can walk around the Kelvingrove Museum for hours and still feel like I’m learning something. The structure and spacing is not overwhelming, so I don’t burn out within the first few hours.
As we walked into the museum, there was a man playing the grand organ in the central hall. His notes echoed through the entire museum for half the time we were there, browsing. My favorite exhibits were twofold. One was a series of wire-men sculptures showcasing Scottish weapons. The other, which my sister didn’t like, consisted of grotesque floating heads of various expressions bathed in creepy lights.
Back to School
Once we were wrapped up at the museum, my sister wanted to see the Glasgow University campus. She had considered studying abroad in Glasgow in her youth, but chosen a different route. We ended up walking through the stone campus with it’s large plazas and tall spires. Everywhere we walked, students were graduating, the young men wearing full-formal kilts under their robes as they walked around.
Finally, it was time to head back into Glasgow’s City Center. I had purchased three tickets for a supremely interesting theater I had seen my last time in the city.
The Kinetic Theater
The Sharmanka Kinetic Theater is a show I’ve mentioned in previous posts, way back in Leftfade Trails 2. The theater involves strange, demented kinetic sculptures created by a suppressed Russian artist during the reign of the Soviet Union. The sculptures are made from rotating wheels, bicycle chains, wooden-carved figures, and animal skills. The sculptures naturally move, clatter and ring tiny bells in changing lights as music plays over, telling a sort of warped tale.
There’s really nothing like it.
I purposely kept my brother and sister in the dark regarding the show. I feel like the Kinetic Theater is best experienced with no prior expectations. The show lasted an amazing hour. My gritty, artistic younger brother absolutely adored the entire experience and creative force behind the piece. My younger sister kindly acknowledged the objective quality and uniqueness of the display, but admitted it “wasn’t her thing.”
With the kinetic theater finished, I next sent off my family on a long, possibly unnecessary walk for ice cream. We found a highly rated retro ice cream shop tucked on the far corner of town called “Dee-Serts” which proved to be delicious. It was after this, I made a personal detour.
Art Imitating Life
An author I’m fond of is named Kevin Hearne, who writes the Iron Druid Chronicles. I find his work amusing as a urban-fantasy writer. Often, he references real places he has a soft spot for. One such place was Gin71, an extremely classy establishment which serves specialized gin cocktails and mixtures to a well-dressed cliental. I ordered a unique little mix, and sighed contentedly for the night.
The following day was a rather boring one for me. Work caught up to me, so I sent my brother and sister out on a solo adventure. They headed to the castle town of Stirling while I caught up on work, writing and logistics for the coming weeks. I treated myself to a Guinness that night before preparing for the next day.
Loch Lomond
Though I could have pushed for a much earlier departure, it was clear my brother and sister were tired. We ended up getting a very slow start for our last day in Glasgow, wandering north slowly via an all-day-bus-pass until we reached Loch Lomond. Instead of checking out the impressive and intricate hiking trails, we merely walked around the urbanized edges of the lake. The bus schedule didn’t allow us a ton of time to go deeper into the hills and wilderness, but we managed to have a nice time nonetheless.
Balloch Castle is nice enough for a glance or two. The surrounding Balloch Country Park is a wonderful, wildflower walk. There are also numerous tree stumps carved into fairy houses throughout the park. We managed to stumble cross a collapsed man, but when another couple of hikers returned with aid, the collapsed man was revealed as drunk. His backpack clanked with bottles of amber liquid and expressions of great exasperation stole over everyone’s face.
Coo-Cows
We returned to Glasgow, but instead of ending the day there, I owed my sister a special sort of visit. She badly wished to see some Highlander Cattle (which she fondly called coo-cows, Coo being the Scottish word for cattle). The nearest place in Glasgow to spot Highlander Cattle is Pollok County Park.
We rumbled along in buses until we arrived at the park, which is lush with walkable woods and great fields. It was not long before we ambled past pastures hosting Highlander Cattle. Their shaggy brown fur, long, curved horns, calf-eyes and distinctive hairdos were on full display as the mooed back and forth to one another.
Further into the park, we visited the Pollok Estate, including the expertly maintained and cultivated walking grounds behind the estate mansion. Some lads were playing football in the green, but past them was a low hedge row. The rest of the area included softly wooded trails, the odd sculpture or two, a children’s fairy house district, a couple of small clearings, and a wooden boat with flowers planted along its deck. My favorite portion involved the walk back, where we spotted a robustly-red fox seated on the opposite side of a stream.
Onward to Edinburgh
We finally returned to Glasgow, ready to rest.
Tomorrow morning, we’ll gather our things for one more jump. The last place we plan on visiting in Scotland is Edinburgh.
To be frank, my sister hasn’t been very impressed with architecture in Ireland, Northern Ireland or Scotland thus far. The larger cities we’ve visited are old industrial shipping grounds with relatively small town centers.
Edinburgh, however, is an astounding display of medieval architecture on sharp hills and walking streets. I expect her to be charmed.
So until then,
Best regards and excellent trails,
Old Sean
Written July 5th 2022
Read more about visiting Glasgow and seeing the world by visiting Leftfade Trails Blog.
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