Visiting Mumbai: Fracas System

Traffic makes me feel older than I ought to feel. – Old Sean

Founder’s Day

As of last Thursday, Saudi Arabia has its national holiday, Founders Day.

As a rule, I don’t typically like Saudi national holidays. Everything gets quite hectic but there isn’t a lot to do for foreigners unless you’re invited to a traditional household. Which is nice, but this means mostly just lounging and eating snacks, which has diminishing appeal, since its also the most common form of socializing in Riyadh. Usually it’s not worth the traffic to get there.

So, generally speaking, I try to take international trips during government holidays whenever I get the chance.

Hence, I used my flight points to score an exceptionally cheap trip to Mumbai, India.

Halfhalt

I left Saudi Arabia after meeting my friend Ahmed. He gave me a ride to the airport at 9 PM, allowing me to breeze through customs and board my flight. I snoozer intermittently while the second Lego Movie played on my chair screen, oddly enthusiastic songs seeping into my dreamscape.

I finally landed around 6 AM.

It’s worth mentioning that the Mumbai airport is a far mess. There are lines everywhere. It doesn’t matter how light a person packs, there is going to be an hour or so of waiting around. Waiting to disembark, waiting for customs organization, waiting for actual customs stamps, waiting to reach the bagging area, waiting to get out of the two lines at the Declaration Point, waiting to figure out where pickup zones are and waiting st a pickup zone for a designated ride share.

Unsurprisingly, it was a slow, slow sluggish airport morning when I arrived in Mumbai. But afterwards, I had my Uber pick me up and drive me to my hotel, where we waited in 7 AM traffic for a little over an hour.

Now, if you’re going to India, there is one area a person should absolutely splurge on.

Get. A nice. Hotel.

India is a crazy, crowded and contradictory place. Having a quiet, upscale hotel to recuperate is the difference between feeling like an overused slingshot and a friendly amusement park ride.

My hotel was very nice. It was the one area I splurged heavily on and it proved to be a nice chamber of serenity in an otherwise overstimulating environment.

I checked in early in the morning, spending some time napping and charging my phone before moving onwards.

Mumbai Meditations

Let’s begin with the simple declarations about Mumbai to set the setting.

Mumbai is not pretty. It’s not peaceful. The urban sprawl is everywhere. Most structures are cheaply built with sheet metal and crude concrete. There are no designated parking spaces and every manner of vehicle clogs narrow streets. Cows, tuktuks, taxis, vans, delivery trucks, personal vehicles, bicycles, scooters and motorbike intermingle indiscriminately. There is a constant echo of vehicle horns every hour of every day and night. Trash lines the sidewalks, the curbs and the water. Pollution is mildly thick in the air, even on the best days. There are cats and dogs dotting several areas, generally at inconvenient points on the sidewalk. There are advertisements everywhere in varying states of repair and the tonnage of foot traffic is impressive in market spaces.

So no, Mumbai isn’t pretty.

However, Mumbai has islands of  pretty places. These need to be sought out and uncovered. They’re deeply refreshing to travelers when found. These include old Hindi temples, restored British architecture, unique, flower-studded alters, secret carved caverns, towering painted statues, leopard forest preserves, tree-ringed islands, hidden shopping streets, quaint eateries and skyscraper overlooks too high to hear honking below.

But these are the exceptions, not the rules. And getting to any of these spaces is a miniature adventure in patience and prudence. Ride shares keep a hand on the horn at all times. Trains are filled with crowds. Busses rumble slowly, stop for long periods of time and keep their windows open. Taxis and tuktuks are scammers at least eighty percent of the time. And walking takes a lot of awareness and decent reflexes, as sidewalks are scarce and someone with a break aversion is going to come careening past at some point. Personal driving takes nerves of steel or apathy all-consuming.

This is all to say that Mumbai takes a certain amount of patience and personally enforced calm. This is also to say that advanced planning is vital. Trying to get around by wandering is a fruitless endeavor leading to nowhere except through street markets and slums (both of which are surprisingly fun, but not terribly productive).

Fellow Follow

Once my phone was charged, I started my morning by taking a ride to the southernmost peninsula of Mumbai, namely Churchgate, Fort and Colaba.

This is a decent place to get started in Mumbai, as there are plenty of British historical markers in the area. Over the course of my morning, I visited Afghan Church, the 18 Field Gun, Sakshi Gallery, Wellington Fountain, Chhatrapati Shivaji Maharaj Vastu Sangrahalaya History Museum, Jehangir Art Gallery, the High Court of Bombay Building, the University of Mumbai Campus, Flora Fountain, Bomanjee Hormarjee Wadia Clock Tower and the Chhatrapati Shivaji Maharaj Terminus Metro Terminal.

This is, by far, the most tourism oriented part of the city. But it’s still Mumbai, so all of the traffic and chaos aforementioned is very much present. It’s just accented by waves of salesfolk peddling uniquely useless items like toothpick parasols, giant painted balloons in the shape of pears, and flower necklaces. There are also crowds of tourism groups all wearing the same color and people who walk up randomly attempting to engage in conversation.

Thanks to my late night flight, I was admittedly a bit grumpy. Additionally, the ambient noise of traffic had given me a mild but enduring headache. To cut back on stabs of pain behind my eyes, I wore earplugs the entire day. Between those, my low mood and reflective sunglasses, I was able to effectively ignore everyone who talked to me. I lost track of the actual number quickly. There are a lot of salespeople in India.

I grabbed breakfast at a well-appointed restaurant known as Modern Cafe. If India has one perfectly redeeming feature, it’s the astonishing things the country does with food. Food service in India is almost universally high class with excellent meals and plenty of novelty options. Mealtimes are my favorite part about India.

Graft Gateway

Once I was full, I groggily stopped at a bank to get some cash. India is still one of those countries where digital transactions haven’t taking their place as the de facto trade facilitator.

I next hiked over to the famous arch structure facing the ocean, the Gateway of Cordoba.

The gateway itself isn’t that impressive. Much if it is under construction and the crowds that mill nearby are all of the tourism industry variety. The shoreline is a grand Vista of water and bobbing boats, but the scenery is undercut by the garbage which swirls below.

But Cordoba is especially important as a ferry point out to Gharapuri Island. The cash-only-payment ferry is a ponderous open air vehicle which chugs steadily towards the tourism island. I recommend bringing a hat and sunscreen because the ferry lacks a bit of shelter and it’s generally too crowded to readjust into the shady portions of the boat. Get the prices well beforehand (260 rupees for a two way journey) or hawkers will usher visitors towards private boats or the regular ferry while taking a cut for themselves. There is a ferry ticket terminal outside the Gate area, before passing through the security checkpoint. When putting purses and bags through the security conveyer scanner, be sure to push the bag entirely inside and grab it again on the opposite end. Purse thieves are not unheard of and will sometimes attempt to nab a person’s briefly untethered baggage.

Ferries have a loose schedule that ends somewhat early. The last boat out is usually finished by 3 PM.

Carved on the Island

Gharapuri is especially famed for its tourism attraction, better known as the Elephanta Caves.

Once you reach the island, expect a tedious series of minor cash grabs.

The train going to the caves (which can be walked) requires 20 rupees or so. Entry to the caves is another 40 rupees. Authorities on site will require another 20 rupees. There are additional micro fees for the toilets, snack stands and carriage rides up the stairs.

Cash is absolutely king here as cell phone connections are spotty at best. Many services don’t even accept digital payments, so having a large number of small bills is wise.

The caves themselves are deeply impressive. Endless statues line the interior, primarily dedicated to the Hindu god Shiva. The grey stone faces look out in strange angles, ancient damage making the carvings seem like pseudo-natural formations.

The Elephanta Caves is a surprisingly swift walk through. They’re not large, so visiting only takes an hour or so of walking. There are crowds, yes, but not an overwhelming amount. Things are still a little noisy and clustered, especially at choke points.  I finished my little loop and went back to Mumbai. Since the ferry ride takes an hour both ways, the entire tourism loop only required about three hours of my day.

Tea Talk

Once back in the main city, I stopped for some tea while planning my next stroll.

One of the unfortunate things about this trip was my eSIM coverage. It was, at best, spotty. I often had to sit down for WIFI to effectively summon an Uber for my travels.

But Uber Summoning is the best way around. The rides are notoriously cheap, even when using premium services. It makes getting around about fifteen percent easier, though the usually traffic undercuts feeling of progress.

Over the next few hours, I would hopscotch my way through Mumbai, using the same driver for intermittent trips. Overall, the whole event only costed me about fourteen US Dollars plus a twenty dollar thank you trip to my driver for his waiting at each stop.

I visited Shree Mumbadevi Temple (which was a colorful place to catch my breath), Anjuman Parsee Fire Temple (which apparently doesn’t allow non practitioners to enter), Yazdani Bakery Girgaon (Which is a fantastic old school bakery), Phoenix Bazaar (which definitely caters towards haggling) and the Magan David Synagogue (which was sadly closed when I arrived).

I’m being a little scant with the details because none of these locations popped out at me, with the exception of the bakery. Several were closed to the public. All were a little tedious to reach.

In the end, I managed to get an Uber back to my hotel. After a half hour of meditating, I went to a burger place for dinner and then walked around a sari market in Bandra West.

I’ll give this to Indians. They’re a vibrant people. I love looking at the traditional attire found throughout the country. There are colors in motion here that are captivating. The contrast if personal attire against the drab backdrop of Mumbai is especially startling.

Dry Jungle

The following morning, I decided that the city was getting to me.

I’m getting older. Traffic stresses me out. Crowds stress me out. Strangers talking to me stresses me out.

Mumbai is the urban embodiment of all three.

Instead of spending the day in the city, I planned on taking a trip north to Sanjay Gandhi National Park. I stopped for breakfast tacos on my way and visited a spice market as well. Sadly, everything I bought here in miniature little jars would be taken by customs once I arrived to the airport for reasons not adequately explained. But luckily, everything added together was only seven dollars or so.

I eventually arrived to Sanjay Gandhi National Park, where I paid a small entry fee to hike around.

The park’s best attraction in the dry season, when the waterfalls are nonexistent, are the Kanheri Caves. These are more ancient, carved caverns on a small ridge overlook. However, getting to the caves is a bit of a pain, since there are lots of closed trails and unclear directions.

Still, undaunted, I made a go of it. I took a bridge over the placid Dahisar River with large portions naught but dried stones. I walked under narrow-limbed monkeys who looped through trees. One scaled flexing branches so he could bury his nose into a flower. There were dappled deer stalking through drying woods and domesticated goats gamboling about. The forest was far from quiet, with crows making a racket at all times.

The park closes surprising early at 6 PM for pragmatic reasons. Leopards hunt then and that’s about the upper time limit for traveling safely.

But the National Park, while nice, isn’t a true jungle. It’s a replanted green district. There are plenty of people living in impoverished villages within. Kids play with plastic, using trash backs to make parachutes for water bottles. There are long lines of colorful fabrics hanging across concrete walls. Plenty of young couples stop to take selfies.

In the end, I never made it to Kanheri Caves. They were simply too far removed from the hiking trails I had access to. But by the time sunset started, I decided to try another stop outside the green zone.

Cave Counter

In the hopes of seeing a bit more of ancient Mumbai, I tried visiting Mahakali Caves and Jogeshwari Caves next.

These are nice enough but they’re not far removed from the designs found at Elephanta. Getting to them requires a lot of meandering acrobats, as large sections of roads are gated off, requiring minor bribes.

India is a great place to visit of one enjoys bribing people.

I finished my time at the caves quickly, taking an Uber back to a restaurant called The Nutcracker before walking around the large church known as Basilica of Our Lady of the Mount.

Afterwards, my consistent headache upped the pain threshold, so I sought out a massage for the evening, which was surprisingly nice and professional. Headache tamped back down, I returned to my hotel to rest for the evening.

Airport Errors

The following morning, it was time to go back to Saudi Arabia. I decided to take an early flight so I would have a full day of rest when I returned.

India is always a huge energy commitment. I wanted a full day to write and recover from the experience.

To be entirely honest, India isn’t my favorite place to visit. I like the attractions and culture immensely, especially where flowers and bright clothes are concerned. I enjoy the markets and restaurants as well.

What I loath, however, is the process of getting place to place. Nothing in India is easy and Mumbai is especially stress inducing.
For all that, India is still a fascinating, vibrant place. People, when they’re not trying to upsell, are among the most pleasant and curious people in the world.

Once I hopped aboard my last Uber, I arrived at the airport, wrapping myself in layers upon layers of patience. This proved necessary, because the Mumbai airport is a predictable slog to get through. There is waiting in the car line, waiting at the entryway before even entering the airport, waiting at the ticket counter, waiting at the first security gate, waiting at the scanning area, waiting while souvenirs are confiscated, waiting at the customs booth, waiting to board, waiting to have tickets reverified if there was an online check I’m, waiting at another security point at the plane’s door and waiting to be seated.

I basically went comatose the second I got to the airport, mentally disconnecting from everything while reading books on my phone.

But now the tedium is past and I’m flying back to the Kingdom of Saudi Arabia. Sadly, the man next to me has a horrible case of restless leg syndrome, which I didn’t know irritated me until now.

Fortunately, even while writing this, my flight is nearly done.

Farewell, India

I’m due for a nap.

Best regards and excellent trails,

Old Sean

Written Saturday, February 24th, 2024

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