Visiting Munich: Strip Stops and Bus Officers

“I think I would have learned to be less of an idiot earlier if I didn’t keep getting such good stories from being dumb.” -Old Sean

Diligence and Borders

Today while entering Germany, I learned about German border control and nipples.

Now, Germany’s border protection game was staunch. Apparently, it required a total of twelve agents and a drug dog tasked with clearing my bus as it toddled into Germany.  Germans, much more so than Czech, are serious about boundary protection.

Anyway, I usually wear a passport holster to prevent theft and keep my vital documents on my person at all times.  I usually just tuck this subtly under my shirt, but it has the disadvantage of looking a bit like a gun holster when put over my shirt.  As such, when I’m traveling, I usually wear the holster either against my skin or under a jacket or second layer to hide it effectively.  

Unfortunately, after leaving Karlovy Vary, the majority of my clothes were a wee bit damp from a laundry session.  Instead of dressing properly, I decided to wear just my light jacket over my torso with my passport holster directly underneath.  

At this point, the folks from the border squadron marched in. All of them were uniformly tall, mostly-bearded German men and women (less-bearded) and decked out in tactical gear. They wore yellow, reflective uniforms and practiced scowls.  

Lt. Guns

One man stood out from the crowd, a tall, muscled fellow with narrowed eyes and a frown under a light beard.  He marched down the aisle giving short commands and inspecting passports with rigorous focus.  In my head, he became known as Lieutenant Guns due to the extreme commitment towards his military aura.

Lt. Guns (assigned to me, since his English was the best) began to run through the usual travel questions. Suddenly, he spotted my (now empty) passport holster under my jacket.  Eyes narrowing even further, he demanded to see it.

It was hard to argue with that level of perplexed growls. 

I feebly mentioned that it was just a passport holder and I was shirtless underneath my jacket, but Lt. Guns just repeated himself at a lower, more commanding octave. 

Effectively boxed in, I unzipped, explaining what the holster is for, apologizing for my profound lack of a shirt. Meanwhile, Lt. Guns, teeth slightly clenched, plunges into my jacket and rummages around my torso, pulling out the spare passport photos I travel with.  The entire event required my left nipple to be on display for an extended amount of time.  Lt. Guns also happened to miss his first lunge, so I got a considerable amount of groping in a very short window.  

Ah. Well. It’s the little things in life.

A Secondary Inspection

Thank fortune I’ve got a younger brother who has granted me, through sarcasm, a flawless deadpan expression. 

I tried to look stoic as Lt. Guns withdrew and I covered myself before pale skin could blind other passengers. I received an opaque glance as Lt. Guns, flustered as a German could be, walked out for the drug dog to begin inspecting the luggage.

The dog suddenly sniffed out a suitcase which the border-patrol immediately pulled to the side.  Lt. Guns marched back onto the bus, his eyes zeroing in on me immediately, before gesturing curtly out the window to the offending suitcase.  The young-folks behind me “oooohed” like a classroom watching someone get dragged into the principal’s office.  

“That you?” Lt. Guns half-shouted.  “Your suitcase?”

Was this retribution for an uncomfortable half-flash?  A romantic invitation?  A conspiracy centered on crime-ratio correlating to nipple shapes?

Alas, I’ll never know, since it wasn’t my suitcase. I held up my own backpack which was seated besides me. A moment later, Lt. Guns escorted the actual suitcase owner out without another backwards glance.  

A Rainy Interlude in Munich

So that’s how I ended up in Germany.  I started my little trip in Munich, where I spent the day evading the occasional bursts of heavy rainstorms. 

Anyway, due to it being the Corpus Christi Holiday season, alongside poor weather, I was rather hampered in my ability to explore the city. 

Many features were closed and the rain discouraged long hikes outside.   However, I did get to visit the Marienplatz Rathaus Glockenspiel and the expansive Englishcher Garten, where I mostly just played in the rain and listened to a podcast on Julius Caesar’s invasion of Gaul.

I love listening to Julias Caesar direct quote podcasts, since he was his own fanboy and hype-man.

Sadly, my time visiting Munich wasn’t as long as I would have liked. 

The rain continued to ram down and after some time, I was forced to admit that my umbrella and weatherproofed camera weren’t the equal of the torrent.  For a couple of days, I slogged to interviews and tried to see more of Munich. But alas, I finally received a call from my company striking a rainy Munich from the itinerary.

Still beholden to a by-location work-schedule, I boarded a bus and drifted to my next city. 

An unfortunate reality to traveling and adventure are the unexpected changes which shape the world. While I would have appreciated clears skies while visiting Munich, I’m looking forward to other parts of Germany.

Berlin is next, so until then,

Best regards and excellent trails,

Old Sean

Written June 1st, 2018

Read more about visiting Munich and seeing the world by visiting Leftfade Trails Destination Information.

Affiliate Disclosure: Leftfade Trails contains affiliate links, so using services or products through these links supports the website, at no extra cost to the user. All links are to tested services and products designed to aid travelers on their journeys. Some links specifically connect to Amazon. As an Amazon Associate this website earns from qualifying purchases.