“When you can see how astonishingly a city can be built, it seems a shame that others wouldn’t aspire towards it.” -Old Sean
Urban Fairyland
Following a brief pit-stop in Ostrava, I headed west, visiting Prague.
And Prague never disappoints. The city is stupidly, almost unrealistically, beautiful. The capital of the Czech Republic is a major culture hub located in the middle of Bohemia on the banks of the Vltava River. The city is best defined by its huge number of towers and spires crowding out the sky.
The city is a full-on fairy tale with the Vltava River curving smoothly by, grungy bridges contrasting elegant castles, astronomical clocks and vast park spaces. Prague is a strong contender for the most beautiful city on Earth, especially at night.
I began visiting Prague knowing I would be astonishingly busy. A friend of mine named Mike used to live in the city teaching English before getting deported for accidently misfiling his taxes. Despite this, Mike had a deep love for Prague and gave me a behemoth recommendation list.
Cobbled Arrival
I arrived in Prague in the late afternoon after a brief tour of Ostrava. By the time I got to my hostel (Little Quarter Hostel) in Malá Strana (Lesser Town), the sun was already descending.
Malá Strana turned out to be nice area to wander around. There are narrow cobbled roads, soft lamplights, views of the river and Prague Castle (Pražský Hrad) looming from a nearby hill.
Without enough time to actively work, I instead bought a handful of local gingerbread cookies and settled at a pub to sip from glass kegs of Bohemian beer. Dinner was a wildly unhealthy meat platter and sweet crêpe by candlelight.
I spent the rest of the evening walking aimlessly through the small neighborhood, stretching my legs and enjoying the night’s sights and sounds.
A Morning on Petřín
The following morning, I forced myself awake before the sun could rise. I immediately started marching West, angling towards Petřín (Petrin Hill). The small mountain is a gradual rise which crosses steep parks spaces and garden areas. It’s a surprisingly robust hike, with a sudden transition between paved roads and uphill forest trails.
The various routes through the greenspace pass features such as Seminary Garden, with direct overlooks of Prague’s roofs at eye-level. The highest viewing point, however, is Petrin Tower (Petřínská Rozhledna) which is a cast-iron lattice viewing platform offering humbling views over Prague.
For the record, Prague in the rising sun is still one of the most stunning views I’ve ever seen.
For those unwilling to hike up the steep hill, Petrin has a Funicular leading directly to the upper hill which is blanketed in gardens and greenery (Růžový Sad Petřín). The area is also home to a small feature called the Petrin Mirror Maze which leads people through tight reflective labyrinths only to emerge at an impressive overlook.
For a truly bizarre aspect of Petrin, there’s an art gallery called Reon Argondian Magical Cavern which seems to mash together hippie-hues, splattered paint and classical statues. The artwork has a distinctly demented and compelling quality, with tentacles, horns, twisted figures, strong facial features and luminous eyes being defining hallmarks.
Afterwards, I rounded the trails around Hunger Wall (Hladová Zeď), a series of light-hued, cracked walls built of marlstone during the 1360s to defend Malá Strana.
Though the area around Petrin is steep and a bit challenging to navigate, I recommend hiking the area rather than taking the Funicular. There’s so much to see, the views are universally amazing and there are lots of hidden monuments, statues, gardens and attractions tucked along the trails.
Rain-Accented Castle
As I descended Petrin Hill, clouds began to roll in and a light misting of rain pattered down. I didn’t have time to simply shelter at my hostel, so I kept on. My boots splashed in shallow puddles and a black umbrella stayed drifting over my head.
I next went uphill the opposite direction, visiting Prague Castle, one of the most defining buildings of the city. Foreboding spires, dark stone, copper steeples and stately, complex walls allow the castle to dominate a hill.
In the rain, the castle looked even more compelling, streaks of water darkening stone down the side of the building.
Prague Castle isn’t actually a single building or even a single attraction. St. Vitus Cathedral is constructed in the Gothic-style while the Basilica of St. George has Romanesque features. The castles wide plaza spaces are ringed by several royal palaces and defensive towers. Roads leading up towards the castles are cobbled with narrow walking streets and humble buildings hosting quaint shops.
The castle is home to a series of cultural heritage museums, including the Czech National Gallery, a museum of mannerist art, The Story of Prague Castle Museum and a Czech Historical Museum. It’s worth walking through the entire castle complex, eventually exiting at Old Castle Stairs. These stairs provide a steep overlook, but re-enter the lower city area.
Vanished Day Visiting Prague
It took me over eight hours of my first day in Prague simply to wander between Petrin and Prague Castle. Part of that is due to the uphill walks, but the other aspect is density. There’s so much to do and see in those two areas, an entire day can be spent swiftly.
I returned to my neighborhood for dinner, eating traditional Czech food at Restaurace U Mlynáře in Malá Strana. Say what you will about Prague. I never had a bad meal for my entire visit.
By the Clock
My following day was spent in Old Town Prague, which is an absolutely rediculous area to visit. The entire district is gorgeous, densely packed and layered with interesting and beautiful things.
In the morning, I crossed Manes Bridge and made a beeline for the Prague Astronomical Clock. The clock tower would serve as my reference point while rotating through Old Town, not because it was beautiful or distinct, but instead because it was under construction.
Europe does this funny thing where they put up screens while doing repairs and restorations of famous buildings. These screens have a to-scale printouts of the building, allowing tourists to get a close approximation to how it will look when repaired.
I’m fond of this extra bit of effort. Instead of looking at a black tarp, the slight optical illusion is a nice touch.
Around and Around Old Town
Bascially everything in Old Town Prague is a historical landmark. I ended up spiraling in uncoordinated loops for the entire morning. Over the day, I passed through the cobblestoned plazas time and time again, stopping at the Gothic Church of Our Lady Before Týn, the Rudolfinum Concert Hall, the Catholic Church of Our Lady of the Snows, The Powder Tower (Prašná Brána) dozens of museums and a strangely out-of-place Lego Museum. I eventually wound my way toward the river to lounge at Charles Bridge (Karlův Most) just to catch my breath.
There were several impressive highlights in this district. First, there’s a concerningly in-depth Sex Machine Museum. While the Museum is a tad controversial due to subject matter, it’s a wildly popular attraction.
The museum is three stories and home to over 200 devices, artifacts and gadgets all focused on sex-appliances. There are chastity belts with clawed spikes and stark-looking iron corsets. There are also shoes of Greek prostitutes’ which had “follow my steps” imprinted on the sole to lure patrons into more private areas. Overall, the museum hosts a stunning number of stimulation devices, demonstrative mannequins and 16th century sex-artifacts.
Visiting Prague Museums
The Old Town area is also home to Speculum Alchemiae, and underground museum dedicated to the debunked science of Alchemy. The workshop is covered in tools of the trade, the faux-math involved and historical annotations.
To the south, there’s also the Beer Museum, which is a small, interesting historical shop following the history of beer with a chance for samples in the 13th-century cellars.
Old Town is also home to some other interesting and beautiful museums which are a bit more serious. The National Library, The Museum of Communism, Museum iluzí (Illusions), The Jewish Museum in Prague and the small Museum of Torture and Torture Instruments are all in this area. However, since my time was limited, I tried to go for the more outlandish and novel attractions.
Dinner by Locomotive
Head spinning slightly, I exited the Old Town area to walk to Národní Muzeum, a historical and natural science museum where I had some interviews. Visiting the Museum is a nice experience, since a long shopping square leads up to it. The statue of at end of the square depicts Saint Wenceslas, patron martyr-saint of the Bohemians.
On the way out, I stopped for lunch at Výtopna Railway Restaurant for a delightful surprise.
Výtopna Railway Restaurant has patrons sit around long tables with model train tracks in front of them. Operational model trains with plates welded to the top of cars bring out food. My friend Mike had recommended the restaurant to me, but hadn’t told me why he’d enjoyed it. I was glad for the surprise.
After my meal, I started wandering back towards home. I passed the famous and slightly-trippy Dancing House with its improbably squeezed façade. I then followed the river north, watching dinner cruises drift by until I reached Legion Bridge. The Bridge, which crosses over a particularly pretty section of the Vltava, grants access to Kampa Island Playground.
The little Kampa Island proved a nice place to sit and watch the river after a full day of walking. In the sandpit, a group of children were doing “science” by using crumpled paper and intensely focused magnifying glasses, squealing whenever smoke began to curl forth.
I eventually made it back to my hostel, stopping briefly to see Lennon Wall, a bright hodge-podge mural near some narrow canals and Water Mill with Gremlin (Mlýn Huť).
Utterly wrung out, I collapsed into be almost before sunset, promptly snoring the rest of my night away.
A Final Full Day
My last full day visiting Prague was spent slowing down slightly. I had already finished the reports, interviews, photo edits and stories my company needed, so the rest of my time could be used as I pleased.
I ate breakfast in my neighborhood and stopped a fascinating enclosed garden space called Dripstone Wall. These walls are created to appear as “melted” rocks, with drizzles falling down atop ones another. There are various figures hidden in the abstract stones.
I chose to continue walking through the city, but angled away from the intensely touristy areas. After my previous walks, I decided I’d had enough of crowds and I was eager to meander in some parks with Czech pastries.
I followed the west bank of the Vltava River north to spend my late-morning in the vast, sprawling Letna Park (Letenská Pláň). The park is home to several outdoor eateries, stunning overlooks of the river and bright patches of flowers. I wandered through at a crawl, reading a book and gorging myself.
From here I continued to wander north, extending my walk through Královská Obora Stromovka (Prague’s City Park). Prague is full of large, expansive green areas. I felt all sensation of time flee me as I wandered around.
Eventually, I wandered back into a quieter urban area, following roads through the Holešovice Neighborhood. I turned into a club for an early drink and dinner and stopped cold. The place I visited was called Cross Club Kavarna, a steampunk-open air café venue. The art and features made it an impressive accidental visit, and I ended up staying for the rest of my evening.
An Unfinished Trip
Finally, my time visiting Prague was done. This wasn’t due to completing my list for the area (which still extended another two pages) but because I was simply out of time.
Prague is everything people rave about and more. For a proper visit, I would recommend no less than a week in the city. And that’s still a rushed vacation.
I can’t overstate how stunning Prague is, and how much I wish I had more time in the area.
But my job awaits. I’m due in Karlovy Vary to the West. Tomorrow morning, at an unholy hour, I’ll hop on a bus and get going.
So until the next time I can return, visiting Prague once more,
Best regards and excellent trails,
Old Sean
Written May 29th, 2018
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