Visiting Wichita Falls: Hops Among the Rocks

“A unique aspect of road tripping is the option of visiting roadside attractions. The worn and unique are best showcased on lonely patches of American highways.” – Old Sean

North Texas Trip

It’s been two long and strenuous days of relaxation and rehabilitation since my last miniature road trip, and once again, the mounting pressure of inaction bears itself down upon me.

I suppose after so long staying at home in a single place due to quarantine, some pent-up feelings of wanderlust exploded in the most expansive way possible. I ended up enlisting a couple friends for yet another road trip across the country, albeit a rather short one.

On Sunday morning, following my unholy-dawn work shift, I bundled myself in a rain jacket against the encroaching storm and hopped into a vehicle with my friends Anne and Dani to wander west to Wichita Mountains Wildlife Refuge.

Of course, since Anne was providing the vehicle and Dani was providing food and White Claws, it was my responsibility to handle the maps, planning and navigation.  This is, perhaps, the first trip I have ever navigated where I didn’t wildly misdirect people from the passenger seat. 

It helps that there are only two turns to complete the entire trip, but I’m still counting it as an unequivocal win. 

Field Sights

This was an extremely pleasant drive, since we had a lot to catch up on, reminisces about, and snack on while driving.  The punctuation marks of conversations were usually laden with overt attempts to get everyone to enjoy outlandishly obscure music. 

Since I was navigating, I marked down a few roadside attractions for the trip.  Aside from a couple of stops at Walmart for supplies, we made fairly good time rocketing down a spacious road.

Our first stop was supposed to be a pair of giant spurs located in Gainesville, Texas, but we missed these the first time passing through.  We would catch a glimpse of them on the drive home, but they weren’t so impressive that I feel the need to mention them again.

However, our next stop, which was somewhat accidental, was in the quaintly painted mural town of Muenster, Texas.  While a rather odd, worn-down town, the small village really leans into German culture. 

Building walls are plastered with paintings of German buildings.  While the actual structures are certainly Texan, the quaintness of the town brought on by the German touches is really pleasant, if a little bizarre. 

Nowhere Art

Passing Muenster, we continued along the road soon reaching another small town, this one with a distinctly Western cowboy vibe called Saint Jo.  Heading slightly south of the town reached a large open field which tacitly serves as a walk-through art park.  Provided people are willing to dodge a considerable minefield of cow pies. 

This park is full of oddities on an otherwise empty field.  A line of VW bugs painted a rustic red with legs popping out the sides serve as a chain of ladybugs scuttling across the green grounds.  Pillars are slammed into the ground in a wave, creating an odd, slightly Nordic-looking column monument.  Sunflowers made of engine parts exist on the other edge of the field, gazing at a cloudy sky.  A terribly large species of yellow and black spider roosted amongst the art sculptures, causing us to veer away sharply. 

All-in-all, the Running N Art Park on Farm to Market 677 in Saint Jo is an interesting corner of the middle of nowhere.

Forging on, we next stopped in Henrietta, Texas to peer at an incredibly high quality chain of synthetic dinosaurs (a Dinosaur Parade) actively guarding a gas station. 

I say actively, because the largest of these creatures is not a placid statue, but an extremely tall, roaring and mechanically-in-motion long-necked colossal.  We, of course, posed dramatically with the creatures, professing marriage, copying their open-mouthed walks and generally being a touristic nuisance.  Which is, after all, the goal. 

Wichita Falls Oddities

Our final roadside attraction on this trip was the “World’s Littlest Skyscraper” in Wichita Falls.  This building is far from a true skyscraper.  Rather, it’s a red brick building with some strange discrepancies in shape. 

Historically, the building is a unique oddity and brilliant con. 

When Wichita Falls was booming, this building was suggested as a very affordable skyscraper for the growing township.  However, the building designer put all measurements in inches, rather than feet on the blueprints.  Nobody caught the con, and when it became apparent that the skyscraper would only be a few stories tall, the con artist was sued. However, the con artist immediately won after citing the accurate blueprints and walked away from the finish structure with roughly three million dollars, adjusted for inflation.

The sites of elaborate cons are the best places for selfies.  And I got to tell the story while waving my hands expansively.  It’s a great narrative since it combines my favorite history with good old-fashioned grifters overreaching and succeeding wildly. 

Pilgrimage

Regardless, this was our last road-trip stop before actually reaching our primary destination, the Wichita Mountains Wildlife Refuge. 

The very first (and slightly outlandish) attraction found in Wichita Mountains Wildlife Refuge is a series of stone stacked buildings roasting in the desert known as the Holy City.  This mild recreation of an ancient Jerusalem is a prop used for recreations of popular biblical scenes during the holidays, complete with crosses, walls, thrones, archways, stages and a functioning (though currently closed) chapel. 

We arrived the very minute the city opened on Sunday (just after 1 PM). 

Moving along, right outside this little village is one of several prairie dog towns that dot the park.  We gradually visited these as we continued our driving tour, stopping whenever we saw bison loitering on the side of the road. 

These shaggy behemoths stayed well-away from humans for the most part (unlike prairie dogs which scrambled up remarkably close or napped in the shade of fence posts) but we were able to spot a half dozen or so despite the rather stifling heat.  They dwarfed the ground around them, and I often had to look twice to avoid mistaking them for dark boulders. 

Rock Hopper

When we finally got out of the car again, we started hiking up Charon’s Garden near Elk Mountain Trail Head.  My main goal for this trip was boulder hopping, which my younger brother advertised to me months ago.  Charon’s Garden is among the best trails available for this. 

We spent our trek scrambling up rough red stones, through desert scrub and up scarred boulders which were perfect for gripping.  Cacti lurked in the corners and sweat actively dripped from my forehead as we fought our way upward. 

Half the trail was barely visible and we needed to take frequent breaks due to the heat and occasional navigation.  Miniscule lizards darted in front of us, frequently hopping across boulders like slithering athletes, the males showing off bright red and orange bands around their necks. 

We finally descended the mountain after finding ourselves nearly devoid of liquid about halfway up, scuffling down the dry stones back to the car. 

Working our way across the park a bit further, we also arrived the Fawn Creek portion of the campground, filled with numerous streams and a nice little lake. 

Longhorn cattle, completely free-range, picked their way along the sides of the roads, their improbably horned-heads swinging to watch us as we drove past.  The best part of this area is a great series of climbing stones slanted gradually upwards with thin, warm mountain streams and enormous boulders that inspired frequent Shrek quotes. 

If there is anywhere in the park I recommend boulder hopping, it would be past the Fawn Creek Campgrounds right on the edge of NW Indiahoma Road.  There’s a slight turnoff to park while scrambling up the easily-climbable surfaces, with enough gorges and standing stones to make the upward rush enjoyable. 

Country Shops

This was our last stop within the park, as our hiking and the enormous barrier of southern heat tired us out.  We ended up looping out to Medicine Park, which is a unique little town outside of the wildlife area.  It has great store names like the “Chaps My Ass” motorcycle parts or “Cockeyed Bobs Cobblestone Café.” 

Due to COVID, we didn’t really go inside anywhere, though our original plan was to go swimming in the Medicine Park Bath, which is a portion of the creek that has been dammed off underneath some cute shops in the shape of birdhouses. 

But everyone was pretty tired at this point, so we just ended up taking a walk up the creek’s shaded sidewalk before finally driving back to Bonham.

Return Ride

The drive back was dominated by Anne’s family, who called for a wholesome round of Family Trivia asking lofty questions like “Who lives in a pineapple under the sea?” and “What born are babies born without?”  When the game was done, we ended up grabbing a quick meal at a Braum’s before driving the rest of the way home. 

The rest of the night was spent sipping a couple of beers brought back from the Family Business Brewery in Austin.  We sat on the back porch, gradually scooting away from the immense swarm of insects above, chatting quietly and losing bets with one another (I owe my roommate Callum about five dollars). 

And so ends another road trip.  I’ll be in town for the next few days while I sleep and get ready for my next hike, likely a three week trek following Natchez Trace through Alabama. 

So until then,

Best regards and excellent trails,

Old Sean

Written August 30th, 2020

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